I often compare modern life, to life 100 or so years ago. Back in the yonder years people used heroine for medicine, women and minorities had little to no rights, and people dressed as if they were about to enter a coffin. Life is SO much better now. The quality of life has increased exponentially. Crimes are, for the most part, actually solved, and a kid born today is going to be 10 times smarter than me.
Don’t get me wrong there is obviously a lot wrong with the world that needs fixing, and even though our global political climate makes it hard to think that we’re actually doing good, it should be re-assuring that we are doing a whole lot better as a society than we were 100 years ago. A lot of that can be accredited to the innovators behind the rapid technology growth of the past century. Social Media connects me to people I probably won’t see very often. I can FaceTime anyone at a moments notice. All my friends get to see exactly what I’m doing (Yeah, I don’t like that). Technology has connected the world like never before. So why does it seem like we’re getting more and more lonely?
A recent Cigna survey noted, “Nearly half of Americans always or sometimes feel alone (46%) or left out (47%). 54% said they always or sometimes feel that no one knows them well.” (Forbes, Neil Howe).
Those numbers are concerning, and it’s certainly something I have noticed within my own life as well. I’m not the only one to think this, but I believe that our need to be connected 24/7 combined with the increased pace of a rapidly improving world has put us on edge. I always find myself concerned about what others are doing. I could be looking at someone’s instagram story who I haven’t had a conversation with in 5 years and think, “Hmm, that person is cooler than me, why am I not doing that?” It’s this constant comparison that we’re making with other people, who may be a half a world away, thats creating negative thoughts.
Before going any further, I would like to say that I have an intimate relationship with loneliness. American public high school is the ultimate when it comes to isolating kids, and I experienced that first hand. I have a natural pre-disposition to enjoy my solitude, but when you’re alone and you go on social media you often see the best of someone’s life, and think your life is lame in comparison. That’s what social media is. It’s a platform for people to say I’m cool and I’m interesting. There’s a lot of cool and interesting people out there, but no one is eternally cool and interesting! The myth that social media perpetrates is exactly that. We all have irrational fears, weaknesses, and quirky characteristics, but that is often overlooked on social media. So, when you’re constantly comparing yourself to others you’re welcoming irrational negative thoughts into your mind, because it’s only natural to compare yourself to the people in your circle. It takes a pure optimist to acknowledge that those negative thoughts are ridiculous and to turn them into positive thoughts. Most people aren’t optimists and when a negative thought is left to fester, it will.
So, is there a solution to modern day loneliness? I would say that everyone will be lonely at some point during the day. That’s life, but if you feel like social media and technology are progressively making you build anxiety to a point where you constantly feel lonely and eager to prove that you’re not lonely then you should focus on being present.
This could be one of the hardest things to do. I often struggle with it. I find myself getting caught up in future plans, potential relationships, or future meetings. I find that focusing on the now, and figuring out what I need to do to move my life forward is the right step. Sometimes it can be hard to be present, but a few things I do include:
Take 15-30 seconds to slowly breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Go for a walk, drive, or bike ride, and try to notice how the air feels on your skin.
Exercise. Even if it’s jumping jacks, staying active is key for keeping your mind alert.
Depending on the amount of time you have. Take a road trip.
Take a social media break. There’s no law saying you can’t take a month off of social media.
Meditate. Especially if you’re in a cold area where going for a drive/walk is difficult.
Take time to give to someone else. This often starts a chain reaction that leads to something positive.
Social media and technology aren’t bad things. They enhance people’s lives, and I think thats great. I do think that there are un-intended consequences of being connected all the time, and ignoring them will only make people more anxious and more lonely. Being present is the best medicine for that.
Infinite-West 